A man  is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower,  when the doorbell rings.

The  wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When  she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.

Before  she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.’

After  thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in  front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The  woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When  she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’ 

‘It was  Bob the next door neighbor,’ she replies. 

‘Great,’  the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’ 

Moral  of the story: 

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a  position to prevent avoidable exposure. 

Lesson  2: 

A  priest offered a Nun a lift. 

She got  in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. 

The  priest nearly had an accident. 

After  controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. 

The nun  said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’ 

The  priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up  her leg again. 

The nun  once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’ 

The  priest apologized ‘Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.’ 

Arriving  at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. 

On his  arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said,  ‘Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.’ 

Moral  of the story: 

If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity. 

Lesson  3: 

A sales  rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when  they find an antique oil lamp. 

They  rub it and a Genie comes out. 

The  Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’ 

‘Me  first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk. ‘I want to be in the Bahamas,  driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.’ 

Puff!  She’s gone. 

‘Me  next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing  on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.’ 

Puff!  He’s gone. 

‘OK,  you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager. 

The  manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch.’ 

Moral  of the story: 

Always let your boss have the first say. 

Lesson  4 

An  eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. 

A small  rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you and do  nothing?’ 

The  eagle answered: ‘Sure, why not.’ 

So, the  rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a  fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. 

Moral  of the story: 

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting  very, very high up. 

Lesson  5 

A  turkey was chatting with a bull. 

‘I  would love to be able to get to the top of that tree’ sighed the  turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy.’ 

‘Well,  why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the bull.  They’re packed with nutrients.’ 

The  turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough  strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. 

The  next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. 

Finally  after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the  tree. 

He was  promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree. 

Moral  of the story: 

Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.. 

Lesson  6 

A  little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird  froze and fell to the ground into a large field. 

While  he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. 

As the  frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm  he was. 

The  dung was actually thawing him out! 

He lay  there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. 

A  passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. 

Following  the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and  promptly dug him out and ate him. 

Morals  of the story: 

(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. 

(3) And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut! 

THIS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE